my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
