got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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