i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
