the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
