I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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