There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How's work?
Spinning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
