yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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