the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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