would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Actions speak louder than pants.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
