wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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