The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
