I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
