One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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