He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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