Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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