stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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