I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she told me i tasted like america
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
