spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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