Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
