im having a threesome with these popsicles
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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