There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My life is pants optional.
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