turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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