Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
