Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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