Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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