i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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