but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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