I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize