If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I smell stomach acid.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize