We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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