can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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