So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
