i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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