Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
