You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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