What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
