mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
