just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
