Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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