he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
