You can't motorboat a personality
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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