I am midnight drunk by noon
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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