You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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