so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
smell my finger.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
