Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
