So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
