Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
