Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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