Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
