ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
