He uses pillows to masturbate.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
