Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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