Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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