apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
