i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Randomize
