Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
