Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize