bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
