she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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