There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
