if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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