Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
