At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
