i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
