twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
