what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
