I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize